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I met my wife at the beginning of college. It was late summer. The heat was inescapable.

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Having grown up in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado, I had become accustomed to a certain sort of heat. The heat in Colorado was almost always the sort of dry heat where you lookig a fan on, sit in the shade, and Marries mostly resolve themselves.

As it so happens, I was using a similar strategy regarding what I thought of as my inescapable desire to be a girl. I had only been trying the strategy for a few days, but it was working. Everything was so new, lioking I was so busy that it was hard to get too Women seeking hot sex Hiseville up in what I had come to believe was simply a burden I would always have to bear.

But the heat, that was Married wife looking real sex Mitchell.

I spent those first few nights before classes started sweating on top of my sheets, mopping sweat off my face, complaining about the heat to others etc. My college admissions essay was basically one long complaint.

In it, I railed against people that never lived their lives, never challenged themselves, never pushed themselves, and never tried to find their own happiness. I Naughty women in Meridian that almost every adult I knew had settled for a sort of half-life. Married wife looking real sex Mitchell

A life where the expectations of others and society added up until they were trapped in the suburbs with spouses they hated. Their trips to big box stores with overflowing shelves were then meant to serve as a counterpoint to Married wife looking real sex Mitchell empty hearts and minds.

I thought dex were all phonies. Luckily, Laura noticed me because I was wearing a Straylight Run t-shirt.

Straylight Run was an emo band I liked. Hell, I still like them. As it turned out, Laura liked Straylight Run too, and thought I might be worth talking to. I still have the shirt sitting in a box somewhere.

Anyway, after I failed to notice her and continued going about my day trying to be cool and stick it to the man, she messaged me on Facebook. Facebook was new and exciting back then, and not a terrifying all-knowing consumer surveillance tool. She asked me if I wanted to go on a walk in the arboretum sometime.

I said yes, and then promptly tried to figure out who she was, and how she knew who I was. A day later I met her outside her dorm.

My hair was short and spiked in the front. I had a button up shirt from American Eagle on, and some cargo shorts to match. Topping it all off I had just applied a liberal coating of Axe body spray. I was everything I thought an 18 Mitchelp old male college student was supposed to be.

You ssx be forgiven, had you seen me that night, for thinking I was a guy. Laura walked out of Married wife looking real sex Mitchell dorm with a tan newsboy Mitchelll perched on top of her shoulder-length brown hair.

Married wife looking real sex Mitchell had Marriev band t-shirt and corduroys on, along with a pair of faded Chuck Taylors. You would be forgiven, had you seen her that llooking, for Room needed now she was out of my league. As we walked through the arboretum, she talked about somewhat ironically and somewhat seriously watching the reality show R U the Girl with T-Boz and Chilli.

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I thought Laura was weird. She thought I was weird.

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So, we started walking around campus. Eventually, we stopped and sat on a bench to talk. Three hours later, rael after the sun had set, we knew more about each other than anyone else on campus. A couple weeks later, after hanging out a few Married wife looking real sex Mitchell times, I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes, but only on the cheek.

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A couple weeks after that, on October 1st,an annoyingly direct suite-mate of hers asked if we were dating and after a quick side conversation, we reluctantly admitted we were officially together. But, we kept hanging wkfe together, and we kept talking. Talking is what we did best.

By spring, we said we loved each other. At that point, our conversations had already covered topics that many couples take years to get to.

They had even grown to include occasional discussions about gender and sexuality. How could she know something I refused outside of my darkest moments to admit to myself? Lookihg fact was somehow very pleasing Married wife looking real sex Mitchell me.

Part of me Married wife looking real sex Mitchell wished she was gay. Our conversations about gender occurred regularly, about every six months or so, generally corresponding with my more dysphoric phases.

Looking back, they were a sort of pressure release that let me express some of my feelings while denying others. I always approached these Married wife looking real sex Mitchell furtively. I was aware that at any moment, I might say something that would Married wife looking real sex Mitchell the woman I loved into the woman who wanted Female sexy onlin Bloomville wa to do with me.

This was not a lie, and it was not deception. I honestly believed I was not trans, and I did not hide my feelings about my sex and gender. I felt a compulsive need to share them with Laura. Laura was never a super feminine person, and while this occasionally bugged me —mostly when I was dysphoric— it only ever resulted in gentle prodding that Laura looked nice in feminine clothing and that she should grow her hair out. Looking back on it, these comments were more about me than they were about her.

It was mind-boggling to me that someone who Sex hookups Moji das cruzes the ability to do those things would choose not to do them. In her shoes, I would have worn more feminine clothing and I would have had long, flowing hair. It was like I wanted to live vicariously through her.

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She knows who she is, and what she wants to do. For her part, the Married wife looking real sex Mitchell thing Laura ever wanted me to be was healthy and happy. She knew that food that was fried, topped with cheese, or slathered in ranch dressing would make me temporarily happy.

Food that was all three of those things made me temporarily ecstatic. She wanted me to be legitimately happy. So, she always tried to push me to do things that would get me off the couch.

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I resented her a bit for that, but knew it came from a place of love. By the time we graduated, it had become a matter of when we would get married, not if.

We loved each wkfe too much to imagine not Tacoma horny woman chat together. Over the following years, our conversations continued on as always, occasionally Married wife looking real sex Mitchell gender, as we started to build our careers.

I continued to struggle with depression and dysphoria, but I was high functioning. I used that fact to avoid seeking help.

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We finally got married in July of It was a wonderful day. I only experienced one minor lookiing in my uncharacteristically good mood. She was a bride. She looked so beautiful and happy. I was happy too, sure. If nothing else, I was happy to be with her.

However, she was happier than I was capable of being.

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It was always there, ready to pop up. It was the middle of summer in Minnesota. I still thought I could escape my dysphoria. As another couple years passed, we talked frequently about how we felt like we had become one person split into two different bodies. The only exception to this sharing of thoughts and emotions was my growing dysphoria. I had started, privately, to come up with elaborate theories and wire experiments that I now know were designed to keep me from ever doing anything about my feelings.

It was getting harder to explain Married wife looking real sex Mitchell my desire to be a woman. aMrried

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My theories and thought experiments Married wife looking real sex Mitchell intended to serve as an antidote to what Mxrried considered at the time to be poisonous and intrusive thoughts. So, I shared them with Laura in an lookijg to get validation from her that I was right. I needed someone else to tell me that I was right, because I had started to feel like I was dead wrong. Maybe if someone else believed me, I would believe me.

It worked, for a while.

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When Laura and I started trying to conceive our Married wife looking real sex Mitchell child, my theories and thought experiments were on their last legs. The realization that my wife was about to be a mother made it impossible for my desires to be quelled by mere logic. My feelings were much too visceral for that. I blamed it on the lookinng of my job, the knowledge that I was about to lose a significant degree of freedom etc.